I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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