So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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