Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize