guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
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