i need an iv and a liver transplant
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize