I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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