well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
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I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
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Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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