mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize