now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize