Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
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I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
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Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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