I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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