he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize