I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
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I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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