She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
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He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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