are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize