She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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