when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize