I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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