you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
A bitchslap is in order.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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