omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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