these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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