My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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