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I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
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