God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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