i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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