I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
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Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
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Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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