i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
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BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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