So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
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Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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