i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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