Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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