Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
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You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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