We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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