my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
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I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
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she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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