What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
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Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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