Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
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Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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