last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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