Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
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there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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