Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
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I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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