remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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