12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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