my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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