I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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