Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
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I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
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She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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