Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
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My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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