Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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