If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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