dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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