So drunk, too bad you don't want this
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
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If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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