can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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