I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
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I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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